


Secrets a Garden Keeps for Its Caretaker

by cedar_sap_curtains



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agricultural Science Major Ushijima, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor OC there is a nice old lady neighbor, Permanent Injury, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, Ushijima buys plants to cope and now he has way too many, Ushijima’s family, minor manga spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:27:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24612280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cedar_sap_curtains/pseuds/cedar_sap_curtains
Summary: A bad fall and a shattered ankle left Ushijima Wakatoshi’s world in pieces. After a year of recovery and two spent with his father in America, Ushijima returns to Japan to start university in Tokyo ready to move forward again. Things are totally fine! Except that his blue hydrangea plant is growing too fast, and oh yeah, Oikawa Tooru is his next door neighbor.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 63
Kudos: 209





	1. Sewing the Seed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta reader!!! sorry for any grammatical errors or typos!!

University wasn’t so bad, it was actually rather humbling to be a first year again. At least, that’s the perspective Ushijima Wakatoshi has. He’d be two years older than his classmates, but that didn’t bother him. There really wasn’t much left the universe could do to bother him after loosing the ability to pursue a career as a professional athlete. All it took was one nasty fall and a shattered ankle. Ushijima Wakatoshi’s life had changed a lot since high school. Currently, he lives in a small suburban apartment a short commute away from his school in Tokyo. The place wasn’t much, but he had never been one for extravagance, so to him it was perfect. 

His unit was nestled in the center of the fifth floor of a six story building, it’s windows faced towards the southwest which was great for raising plants on the balcony. Inside has an understated kitchen, a cozy living room with futon that folded into a couch, though he couldn’t seem to make a habit of folding it up when he wasn’t sleeping on it. He never hosted guests anyways, so it didn’t really matter. The wall opposite his bed had a dresser, TV on top of that, and a bookshelf to the right. It was filled with accolades from his time at Shiratorizawa, and American books and comics from his dad. In front of those was an old kotatsu. A gift from his mom, it’s blanket folded up in the coat closet by the front door, retired until the cold seasons arrive. Any other available space in the apartment was filled with a potted plants. 

Today was Saturday. Saturdays were nice, thought Ushijima. They were perfect for gathering up and sorting one’s wandering thoughts. He woke up, did physical therapy exercises for his ankle, a light jog, showered, caught up on an anime series Tendou had been urging him to watch, and finally as the afternoon sun bathed his home in a comfortable warmth he stepped outside to survey the state of his little garden. A slight smile crept onto his face upon seeing his plants flourish, each of which had a unique name. Today, he was to deal with a troublemaker that was growing far too quickly for its own good. 

It was the most recent addition to his patio garden, a blue hydrangea bush. Picking a name for this one was tough. He’d already exhausted his teammates, old pets, and likable family members. He considered briefly that maybe, just maybe, he should stop impulsively buying plants. Then he wouldn’t have to try and think of so many names. Or at least refrain from getting anymore until he could decide a name for this one.

It’s not as if he didn’t have any ideas about what to call it. The problem was that only one name in particular came to mind. 

Oikawa.

But, naming it after his old rival was, even in the sanctity of his own mind, embarrassing. The setter never once beat his team in an official or practice match, Ushijima was hardly sure that rivalry is what it even should have been called. On the other hand, _rival_ , as one sided as it was, is what Oikawa called their relationship and... well, he’d rather go with Oikawa’s term than give much consideration to his inclinations about the subject. Not that it mattered, Ushijima doubted he’d ever see him again. He sighed.

The hydrangea, that definitely wasn’t named Oikawa, needs a lot of space. Which Wakatoshi’s balcony doesn’t really have, but the man was already committed to his choice to have such a large plant in his garden. However, this was the last time he was going repot the darn thing! How ever much it grows in this new pot, that was as big as he’d ever allow it to get. He didn’t want it to overshadow the vegetables and flowers that like to bathe in morning sun.

He laid some scrap newspaper down and dug his fingers down into the soil. With a firm yet delicate grip he dug out the hydrangea, it’s root system having expanded outward so much that they held the shape of their old pot. He set it down on the paper and got up to fetch a large bowl of water so he could loosen up the roots and prepare it for its final home. With the bowl retrieved, he dunked the plant in and let it soak. 

The sun at his back blanketed him in warmth, when he closed his eyes he could see the memories of old summers at his uncle’s farm drifting by. Cicadas droning on and his uncle calling him to the field to help him pick sugar peas. A simple life wasn’t so bad, sure he loved volleyball, but he’d have to let that go. When he finished school he could move somewhere quiet and green. He’d feed chickens in the morning and- the buzz of his phone pulled him out of his imagination.

_-did you watch the new episode?!?!!_

Ushijima smiled at the text on the screen. 

- _Yes._

_-finally!! how many weeks have i been telling you to catch up now? well we can discuss it after the season finally, how was the first week of classes_

_-I believe it was three. School is going well, my biology professor is a foreigner._

_-woah sounds fancy!! made any new friends? human friends, not plants_

_-No not yet._

_-ohhh any crushes then?? >:^)_

_-Um no._

_-fair enough, well when you become a world famous botanist and you go on TV to talk about whatever weird plant you discover you still have to mention your old pal satori, in fact you have to name your big discovery after me okay_

Ushijima wasn’t so sure a botanist would be interviewed the same way a professional volleyball player would. He appreciated that Tendou never treated him differently when he found out that he couldn’t play anymore. He snapped a picture of the hydrangea soaking in the bowl of water and sent it to his friend.

_-I promise I will._

_-that’s a weird soup, what did you name that one?_

Wakatoshi stared incredulously at the bush. 

_-I haven’t decided yet. I need to finish repotting it. I will message you later._

_-well that’s what you get for having so many!! Byyye_

Pocketing his phone he reached for the bag of soil next to the screen door. Oh dang it, this wouldn’t do. There was barely any left. He sighed, wishing he’d checked before uprooting the hydrangea. 

“Sorry about that.. I’ll be right back.” He sat up and bushed the dirt from his pants. It wasn’t late he could just make a quick trip to the little garden shop a few blocks away. Might as well grab some groceries too. He threw on a baseball hat and grabbed a reusable bag as he left, taking the elevator down to the apartment’s lobby.

“Wakatoshi!” Came the kind voice of the elderly neighbor lady who lived a few doors down from him, as he stepped out of the elevator. He’d helped her carry her groceries quite a few times, along with chores that required someone tall and strong.

“Oh, Mrs. Ogawa, how are you today?” He smiled.

“I’m good, my orchid came back to life after I followed your advice!”

“I’m glad to hear it.” 

“Toshi-chan, I’m so glad I ran into you. I just spoke with the nicest young man! He’s moving onto our floor, he looks about your age. You should try to make his acquaintance I know you don’t get out very often! Otherwise you wouldn’t be helping an old hag like me all the time!” She cackled and patted his shoulder as she got into the elevator. “See you around!” 

The automatic door shut as he wished her goodbye. Mrs. Ogawa was a little eccentric, but Ushijima could admit she had a point. He sighed, talking to people his age was hard, Tendou was one of the few people who wasn’t intimidated by him nor put off by his lack of conversation skills. Spiking a ball? Simple, easy, and fun! Trying to be interesting? Difficult, awkward, not fun. Volleyball was the best way for him to form relationships. That wasn’t an option anymore, and that was a thought he tried to banish as he walked through town. Nothing good came from dwelling on it. 

The grocery store was comfortably uneventful, and frozen goods he bought prevented him from lingering too long at the little nursery. However, they didn’t stop him from getting himself a fiddle leaf fig that was on sale along with the bag of soil. The fig seemed a little unhealthy and clearly no one else wanted it. He had to, he knew how to get it thriving again, this was simply the way it had to be. So he went home with his grocery bag, sack of dirt, and another plant in hand. 

With some maneuvering he got the keycard from his pocket and nudged the door open with his hip. Once inside, he rushed to the elevator, wanting to get back upstairs and finish repotting his hydrangea. Just as he was pushing the button for his floor he heard a voice. 

“Wait, please hold the door I’m going up as well! This box is really heavy!”

It struck him as odd that the voice sounded familiar, but didn’t think twice about sticking out his foot and stopping the door from closing. That was until he realized the stranger getting into the elevator with him was none other than Oikawa Tooru. He immediately stepped as far away as he could which wasn’t much. Luckily, Oikawa was more focused on not dropping the large bulky box. 

“Thanks!” He chirped. 

“No problem.” He mumbled. Ushijima didn’t dare look at him. He did his best to use the plant in his arms to obscure his face.

Presumably his makeshift mask was working. Oikawa leaned over a little squinting at the buttons, not paying any mind to the man next to him, “Oh! 5th floor? Me too.” 

“Yeah..” His tone was neutral and unassuming. Ushijima Wakatoshi was in agony. Each ding of the elevator to indicate they’d passed another floor felt like an eternity. When the door opened he waited for Oikawa to get out, once the path was clear he made a beeline for his front door. He squatted down to set his stuff on the floor so he could fish out his key. He opened the door and haphazardly unloaded his things in the entryway. He did it! In the clear, now he’d just have to avoid seeing Oikawa for the rest of the time he lived here! That shouldn’t be to hard. He spared one more look at his former ‘rival’. That box did look pretty heavy. 

“Do you need help with that?” He called out. Stupid.

“That’d be really great!” Oikawa said back from behind the box. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!

It only took a few strides to meet halfway, and hook his hands under the opposite edge of the box redistributing the weight. Oikawa let out a relieved breath. 

“Thank you, oh my god this is so heavy.” 

“Yeah, no problem.” He’d acted on impulse, the second they set this thing down he’s going to be caught what was he thinking?

“My apartment is 512, I just need to get this in front of the door.”

Wakatoshi gave an affirmative noise. 512? That was right across from him. Maybe once the box was set down he could do a quick 180 spin and bolt through his door? 

“Okay on the count of 3 let’s set this down,” Oikawa says as they reach front door, “1, 2, 3!” And they gently lower the box down. The silence that followed was dreadful.

“Ushiwaka?”

And there it is...

Ushijima looked away before he could meet Oikawa’s gaze. He did not want to see the look on his face.

A quiet, “Um, hello.” was all he could manage to get out.

“It is you!!” Wakatoshi, against his willpower, looked over at him. Oikawa’s eyes were wide with shock, his mouth hung slightly agape as he searched for the next words to say. “Wha- what on earth happened to you?!”

Ushijima shifted nervously on his feet, eyes darting back to a spec on the carpet. Oikawa didn’t need to know, it’s not like he ever cared about him, in fact he’d hated him ever since they were kids. Ushijima was certain he had never meant anything to Oikawa in a way that mattered. So what was the point in telling him?  
  
“That’s not important for you to know, I should get going.”

Oikawa sidestepped to get in his line of sight, deep brown met hazel green. The surprise had been replaced with an irritated scowl.

“What do you mean that’s not important? After all this time it’s good to know you’re still a condescending jerk Ushiwaka-chan.”

Ushijima should feel hurt by this, right? That would be the normal response. So why was his heart pounding and butterflies flittering around in his chest instead? Oikawa only seemed to get more handsome with the years gone by. It really wasn’t fair. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Oikawa...” The name felt odd as it rolled off his tongue, as if just speaking it was crossing the line. Maybe all these years had turned Ushijima into a coward. “I really need to get going.”

Before his old crush- ack! No. Before his old rival could scrutinize him anymore, he turned on his good ankle and rushed into his apartment like a bird swooping down from the open sky into a dense tree line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was completely different when I originally started it, but after reading a few fics where Ushi gets injured and I got inspired to write this!  
> I love gardening haha so sorry Ushijima but I’m now projecting that onto you.


	2. April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta!! Sorry for any typos or grammatical mistakes!!

Ushijima leaned against his door, feeling light headed. That really just happened. Right? He peaked through the peephole. Yes it definitely did. Oikawa was still there, now frantically texting on his phone. No doubt he was telling his old wing spiker what had just happened.

He closed his eyes and sank to the floor. At least he could tell Mrs. Ogawa he’d met their new neighbor. The former ace sat on the ground a while, half waiting to wake up from a bad nap half waiting for Oikawa to knock on his door demanding an explanation.

After several more minutes passed and neither of those expectations came true he stood back up and peered through the peephole once again. Oikawa was gone. Well that was that, he guessed. Perhaps he would just take the stairs from now on to avoid anymore awkward encounters, even if it would make his ankle sore. He stared down at it with a scowl. It had taken around four hours of surgery to repair. What had the doctor said again?

“ _Ushijima, the condition of your ankle is more complex than just a sprain or break. You’ve fractured your your bones here, here, and here, some of the fragments were misaligned.” She said as she pointed at an anatomical drawing. “There was also damage done to your syndesmosis, it’s a group of ligaments that help your foot bear your body’s weight. You’ll recover, but you will have chronic ankle instability. I’m so sorry but-“_

The memory begins to blur around that point, it sends a dull ache through his joints. As he stared blankly at the floor, the green of the fig he’d just bought caught his eye and pulled him back into the present.

He needed to put his groceries away, and get the fiddle leaf fig into a new pot. The blue hydrangea was still in the bowl of water from earlier. If he’d just bought an extra bag of soil last week, he wouldn’t have to think about all of this. About Oikawa, and- his palm connected with his forehead as the irony of the situation dawned on him. With an exasperated sigh, he put his groceries away and returned to the balcony.

“... this is your fault.” He mumbled to the hydrangea.

The hydrangea of course said nothing. Although, the breeze making its leaves rustle and tap against itself could’ve been nature’s way of laughing at him.

The roots were plenty loose now after having soaked in the pot for way longer than necessary. Not that it would do any harm to the thing. He scooped the fresh soil into the pot, leaving some space for the hydrangea as he lowered it into its new home. The earthy smell and the cool softness of the dirt between his fingers was soothing. Once he patted on the final layer of soil, he placed the hydrangea bush to the corner of his little garden. It would get sun but not too much, just the way it likes. Hopefully it will bloom come June. He repeated the process with the fiddle leaf fig and found a spot for it inside next to the sliding door.

Ushijima’s original plans for the evening involved making a nice dinner for himself. About halfway through chopping up the vegetables he had to quit. He just couldn’t focus on it, the afternoon’s scene played on an endless loop. Stove top noodles it is. After that it was changing into pajamas and face-planting into futon time. He spent the next few hours idly tapping at mobile games on his phone and going back over his messages with Tendou, trying to distract himself. Maybe he should text him.

He opened their chat and began typing;

_-Tendou? May I ask for your advic__

He tapped the backspace frantically.

_-Hey Tendou, can I ask you a question?__

The words sat there in the message preview, stark black against a cold sea of white. What would he even ask? The backspace was tapped several times again.

_-I finished repotting my plants._

The immediate “•••” flashing on screen was a relief.

_-wakatoshi sometimes when you text it’s like you’re delivering an omen of doom haha_

_-You’ve mentioned this a few times._

_-i know i have! it’s just funny how you type like an old man_

_-You type like you’re still a teen ha ha. Someone new just moved onto my floor, the lady next door says I should try to be his friend. What should I do?_

_-touché!! and oh? >:) well you should listen to ur neighbor she kind of seems like she’s a witch, probably shouldn’t ignore that_

_-Fair enough. Thank you, Satori._

_-glad to help >:)_

_-I’m going to bed now, goodnight._

_-so early!?_

_-Yes, I am an old man remember. :)_

_-ooh my god, but hey you used an emoji you are expanding your horizons, im so proud! haha night_

Ushijima supposed that was helpful. Might have been more helpful if he’d been strait forward, but Tendou was probably busy with work. He just.. just didn’t want to bother him. He grasped around in the dark for his phone charger then set his alarm. Going to bed was surely what he needed right now. He pulled his comforter over himself and closed his eyes.

Yep. Any moment he’d be fast asleep now. He rolled over once, then twice, and finally a third time. It was no use he snatched his phone up tapped the home button and unlocked his phone. Immediately, he opened the web browser and typed into the search bar ‘Japan V. Leagues teams’. 

Once he knew what he needed to know he could sleep! Starting at division 3, he scoured each team roster for a certain setter. He saw a few familiar names including his underclassman Goshiki; who was now an outside hitter for the division 1 Azuma Pharmacy Green Rockets. When had that happened? Guilt gnawed at the corner of his conscience, he had probably mentioned it last time they’d spoken... whenever that was. He shook his head, he could ask Tendou, it’s fine. There was only two teams left on his list; the Schweiden Adlers and the MSBY Black Jackals.

Ushijima opted to search the Adlers first, it was the team he would’ve liked to play for after all. He used to imagine that he and Oikawa would have both been recruited, and he’d finally get to spike one of his sets. The first name he recognized there was Nicolas Romero, a player he really looked up to back when he used to keep up with the sport. It was nice to see he hadn’t retired yet. Next he recognized Houshiumi Korai. Lastly, Kageyama Tobio was their starting lineup setter. He’d always been an impressive player, so it wasn’t much of a surprise seeing him on such an elite team.

That left the Jackals, he almost didn’t want to look. With a deep breath he steeled himself and opened their website, tapping the team roster page. More familiar names; Bokuto Kotaro, Sakusa Kiyoomi. He smiled at the next one; Hinata Shoyo. That game where Karasuno had overcome all odds and defeated his old team felt like eons ago.

As for the last name that meant something to him, well, he had seen it the moment he opened the page. It’s what’d he’d been searching for. Only just now he gave himself permission to acknowledge it. Oikawa Tooru, the official starting setter for the MSBY Black Jackals. He stared at the photo next to the name. The setter looked great in the all black uniform, it emphasized his cool confidence. He wore trademark lackadaisical smirk and his eyes shining with determination.

Ushijima’s heart pumped a combination of shame and despondency through his system. All of those years urging Oikawa to play for a better team. _His team_ , his inner voice correcting and betraying him. Shame twisted into guilt. Yet, he still believed it, that Oikawa would’ve made a lot more progress if he had been playing with a strong team from the beginning. A strong team with a strong ace who’d have his setter’s back. Someone he could always rely on. He grit his teeth. It doesn’t make you unbeatable, he knew that, but he still felt it was consistent and reliable. There were three astonishing aces on Oikawa’s team and the MSBY Black Jackals were pretty successful from what he saw of last season’s stats. He surely has experienced now the kind of victory he’d once aimed for at Aoba Johsai.

The former ace pulled the covers up to his ears and turned his back to his phone. Oikawa was a professional player now, he’s more stunning than ever, and they’re next door neighbors. He took in a deep breath, he felt totally exhausted. For a while still he just listened to the drone of his fan and watched it jostle the leaves of one of the philodendrons who’s vines spilled from their hanging pot. They looked teal in light of the night sky, everything else was washed in blue.

The next morning saw Ushijima hitting his snooze alarm a solid seven times before finally getting up. Tendou was right to tease him about being like a grandpa. He and staying up late do not go well together. At least it was Sunday and he didn’t have class, though he did need to do some homework. It was cloudy outside, a quick look at the forecast app on his phone showed it would likely be raining the rest of the week. It suited his mood perfectly.

The rain came and it poured, being stuck inside only made him think harder about his untimely encounter. Errant thoughts invaded Ushijima’s mind all throughout the following days. It seemed every little thing stirred up the image of Oikawa in his mind. Sometimes it was sitting behind someone with the same hair color in class, or spotting a sign with the same kanji used to spell his name, and sometimes it was nothing at all. He was grateful he didn’t need to tend to his balcony garden with the weather being like this. He didn’t want to see his hydrangea sitting there mocking at him for acting so stupid. Though, he probably deserved to be laughed at. He spent the week peaking out the door before leaving his building and glancing over his shoulder like some paranoid criminal.

As his Friday came to an end, a wave of relief crashed over Ushijima. He managed the entire week without running into Oikawa again. The initial fears about more awkward hallway meetings were beginning to dissipate. They lived in a huge city after all. Of course a professional setter probably had a vastly different schedule from and undergrad student. It was just a happenstance that wouldn’t happen again!

“Oh Toshi-chan!” Mrs. Ogawa called to him from down the hall. Ushijima had just gotten back from class and was unlocking his door. He stopped, admittedly a bit startled, and smiled as she came closer.

“Good afternoon Mrs. Ogawa!”

“Would you like to come over tomorrow at noon for tea? You know the rain makes old souls like mine a little lonely.” She placed the back of her palm over her forehead to play up the drama of her words.

Ushijima chuckled lightly at the theatrics, “Of course. Is there anything you need help with in the apartment?”

“Oh no, I think you’ve fixed just about everything that place needs better than the maintenance crew here ever could. Just bring your good attitude!” And with that walked the rest of the way down the hall to her home.

Perhaps this last week would just be a fluke, Ushijima thought. School had gone well for the most part, and she was right he has a good attitude, and he shouldn’t let one little road bump get to him! Mrs. Ogawa reminded him of his time in America, he had lived with his dad in a condominium only a bus ride from downtown Seattle. He started working at a local coffee shop after his second month there, and got very used to strangers being overly chatty.

It was almost a relief meeting someone as eccentric as his neighbor when he came back. He’d gotten pretty used to strangers telling him all sorts of things about their lives, in a way it helped distract him from his own. Tendou would probably laugh at him for that too, he mused. But it’s not like he wont make new friends at university. It’s just easier when someone says the first hello. That evening he went to bed trying to think about a funny story about his old job he could tell for tomorrow.

By 11:30 the next morning, Ushijima had accomplished the majority of his Saturday routine once again. Physical therapy exercises for his ankle, a light jog, shower, watch the new episode of Tendou’s anime and promptly texting him about it over breakfast. From there he would start his homework, but not today. He put on a nice outfit consisting of a floral button up and muted tan jeans, visiting his neighbor was like visiting his mom only more fun, either way he dressed nicer than usual for it. Grabbing a box of sweet biscuit snacks from the cupboard he left his apartment and went down the hall.

There were sounds of voices inside her apartment which stopped after he knocked a few times. Probably just the television, Mrs. Ogawa was a widow he learned the first time he’d been over to help fix a squeaky cabinet for her. The door opened and the familiar smell of jasmine tea flowed out into the hallway.

“Oh good you’re right on time! Come inside.” She motioned for him to follow down the entry hall. She lived in a larger two bedroom unit. He slipped off his shoes and followed along to the dining area. “I hope you don’t mind dear, I invited our new neighbor!”

Ushijima felt his stomach lurch, the box of biscuits slipped from his hands and onto the floor with a light thud. Oikawa was perched on a chair end of the table like a king at a grand banquet. His hands curled delicately around his tea cup, his smile bright and cheerful, but his eyes. Those eyes were watching him with a gleeful malice. Ushijima wondered if this might be how a spider looks at the flies trapped in its web.

“Oops...” He bent down to pick up the box.

Mrs. Ogawa just laughed lightly and said, “Wakatoshi, since when are you clumsy? Well, you boys introduce yourselves while I go finish preparing lunch and get the next pot of tea started. I’m going to need a bigger one with two of you around! Go on Toshi-chan don’t be shy.” She grabbed the teapot off table and disappeared into the kitchen.

The former ace stiffly inched his way over to the table, taking a seat two chairs down from his old rival. He briefly considered sitting at the opposite end of the table for maximum distance, but that would look weird. It’s not like Mrs. Ogawa knew they had ...history? One chair of space between them was a perfectly respectable distance for strangers. They basically were strangers! It’s not as if they’d ever known each other off the court.

“Hello, it’s so nice to meet you I’m Oikawa Tooru.” Oikawa held his hand out, as if they truly were meeting for the first time.

Ushijima, set the biscuit snacks on the table, fairly certain he’d squished a few in his anxious grip. More shakily than he would have liked, and avoiding his gaze at all costs, he took Oikawa’s hand. He’d held it at least five times if he remembered correctly the number of official matches they played when they were both captains and had to shake before the game. Not that he used to keep track of how many times he’d gotten to hold Oikawa’s hand like a lovesick fool.

“I’m, um, Ushiwaka- er Toshijima- I mean Ushijima Wakatoshi.. it’s nice to make your acquaintance...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack!! This took longer to post that I’d hoped! >.<‘ thanks for all the support this has received with only one chapter out!! Hope y’all keep enjoying it :D
> 
> Sorry to leave y’all on a cliffhanger!
> 
> EDIT: so something fucked up on ao3 and two copies of this fic went up??? This one was updated but only with a rough draft of the second chapter, I’ve deleted the duplicate and fixed this chapter to have all the content!! Sorry for any confusion !!!


	3. Tea and Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, sorry for any mistakes/typos!!

Oikawa gripped Ushijima’s hand tightly not to the point of hurting him, but enough to make it clear he wasn’t messing around. He glanced in the direction of the kitchen, the coast must have been clear because he wasted no time yanking Ushijima closer. He leaned in close as he held his old rival hostage.

“Okay Ushiwaka, what’s the deal?” He whispers through gritted teeth. Utterly furious.

The former ace’s heart was pounding and could feel a blush creeping up his neck.

“This-“ goodness those eyes were beautiful, “-this isn’t a good time.”

That was the best Ushijima could come up with. A pathetic plea, but there is no way he wanted to get into an altercation at his elderly neighbor’s apartment! Even with that mesmerizing face so close to his.

“Then when is, huh? You just show up out of nowhere and run away from me?!? I don’t remember Ushiwaka being a coward.”

It stung, to hear it out loud. Ushijima’s brows were knitted tightly together.

“Oikawa...”

“Don’t ‘Oikawa’ me, I-“

The screech of the teapot in the other room spared Ushijima of whatever harsh truth Oikawa was going to drop next. He released his grip and recoiled back to his chair. At least it seemed the setter wasn’t going to cause a scene in front of Mrs. Ogawa. Who showed up a few minutes later carrying an empty cup for Ushijima and the fresh batch of tea. Oikawa gave his best dashing smile.

“Thank you so much!”

“Help yourselves,” she said pouring herself a cup, then she spotted the box of sweets Ushijima had brought, “Oh! Let me get a plate for those.” She disappeared into the kitchen once again.

Oikawa glared daggers the second she was out of sight and mouthed ‘This isn’t over.’ Ushijima poured his tea silently.

“This is so exciting, y’know, I never got to have grandchildren and suddenly after a couple months two nice boys show up at my doorstep wanting to have a tea party with me. It’s such a funny world we live in.”

“Yeah no kidding.” Ushijima mumbled.

“Couldn’t agree more!” Oikawa cut in, “So a only a few months? Sounds like you must’ve moved here pretty recently too Ushijima.”

“Oh.. yeah, I moved here not too long ago.”

The old lady gave a warm smile, “You don’t have to be so shy Toshi-chan! He was living abroad in America before he came to Tokyo isn’t that amazing!”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow in a mixture of surprise and suspicion.

“It wasn’t for anything fancy. I thought I’d try school there.”

Now he looked confused, which was a lot better than angry in Ushijima’s book.

“Tooru weren’t you saying earlier you had spent some time in another country?”

Oikawa smirked, “Yes, I was training on the beaches in Brazil for volleyball. I’m aiming to get to the national team someday. You’re a pretty tall strong looking guy Ushijima,” he stared intently at him, “I bet you’re good at sports.”

The setter was too good at that; asking a question without actually having to ask. It was difficult to deal with, but he steeled himself keeping his expression mild and neutral.

“I actually used to play volleyball too, in high school, but I didn’t pursue it.”

It wasn’t a complete lie, he didn’t want to talk about his ankle. It was difficult trying to think about it, he hadn’t even told Mrs. Ogawa.

“There are nets at the park down the street maybe you two should check it out, the weather has been clearing up.”

“That’s a great idea. I have Saturday off you and I should go after lunch, Ushijima.” He couldn’t remember a time when Oikawa hadn’t called him by a jeering nickname.

“Oh, uh, sure.” He cringed internally. It was going to be a long afternoon.

The rest of the lunch went by with stilted conversation. Ushijima hoped his neighbor would chalk it up to them having ‘just met’. When she managed to get Oikawa talking about himself, time was able to pass a little faster. This worked in his somewhat in his favor, he learned that Oikawa started schooling at a college near their home district, but opted out to go play beach volleyball in Brazil. After that, he was scouted into the V.League and quickly made his way up to division 1.

The story was a testament to what he’d always admired about Oikawa. That unwillingness to give up or back down. It made him happy, at least inwardly, being proud and smiling at a man who hates his guts like an oaf would look pretty weird. So, instead he politely congratulated his success when the conversation called for it. It was somehow easier pretending they were strangers. That wouldn’t be the case the second they left their neighbor’s table. He wasn’t so sure if he’d really be going to the park with his old rival, but the sooner he could get it over with the better.

Once the dishes were cleaned up, they bid their neighbor thank you’s and goodbyes. A sense of dread swept over Ushijima as the door was closed behind them. Alone in the hall with Oikawa again. Just great. For a moment that pair just stood there. The former ace found himself fiddling with the hem of shirt, he had no idea what to say.

Oikawa tapped his foot and huffed, “Are you just going to stand there?”

Their eyes met. “No.”

“The come on then. We’re going for a walk.”

Ushijima looked away, he really didn’t want to. It was a struggle deflecting his questions during lunch, but wasn’t sure pure unfiltered Oikawa brand insults were conducive to his mental wellbeing at this point. Then again neither was thinking how nice Oikawa looked in his jeans and pullover that had cute little emblem of an alien on the chest.

He felt a tug on his wrist that started leading him down. That’s the second time Oikawa has put his hands on him today.

“You are so stubborn!” He barked as they reached the elevator.

“... You can let go now.”

The setter’s gaze flitted over him, his lip twitched slightly and he let him go.

“I can’t believe you made me trick a nice old lady just to talk to you.”

“I didn’t do anything, she invited me to tea yesterday.”

“Only after I had to lie and say I hadn’t met you yet, so she’d invite you without saying I’d be there. Why are you so scared to talk to me?”

“It seems more like you both tricked me, and I’m not scared.”

“Typical Ushiwaka saying rude things about sweet old ladies.”

“I- “ Ushijima sighed. “Whatever it is you want to say to me, I’ll sit still and listen. Okay?”

“Good.”

The walk to the park went by in complete silence. It was sunny today, and the vegetation of the city was bursting to life after all that fresh rain. Off in the distance he could see a second wave of dark clouds brewing, hopefully it wouldn’t head their way. The park itself was immaculate, flower beds were in full bloom, the leaves all having returned over the course of spring, ready for the summer sun. It’d be perfect for a date. Ushijima’s gaze wandered to Oikawa’s hand. It was so warm and a little rough from the callouses of a sport he’d never get to play again. His own hands felt so soft in comparison now, the ace wondered if he had noticed the difference.

They reached a less populated area, completely bypassing the volleyball nets and Oikawa finally spoke up again.

“Alright, Ushiwaka. You can’t go run and hide now.”

“I wasn’t hiding...” He sat down in the grass. His ankle was starting to ache. “I meant it when I told you it wasn’t important.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes.

“Well I think it’s important, you aren’t always right mister ‘You Should Have Come to Shiratoriza’.”

“That stopped mattering a long time ago too... you _should_ just ask your questions now.”

Oikawa grit his teeth. “Ahhh!! When you say it like that I don’t want to!!”

Ushijima looked up at him. His face was scrunched up in an angry pout.

“Well then I’ll tell you this, I don’t play anymore that wasn’t a lie.”

The setter scoffed and took a few steps closer so he could bend down and invade the ace’s personal space.

“There’s no way. I bet you were overseas training! And you came back here because you were scouted!! The Ushiwaka I knew was a volleyball loving idiot, not a loser.”

The stoic veneer was starting to crack, “Would you stop calling me that.”

“Calling you what, Ushiwaka-chan?”

“Yes, that. I’m not your opponent or rival or whatever anymore. So stop calling me that stupid name.”

He glared up at him, and to his surprise Oikawa backed off. His expression looked hurt.

“So, you mean it? You don’t play anymore?”

Ushijima’s heart did a somersault, he wanted to reach out and touch his shoulder. He didn’t, of course, instead he plucked the grass and anxiously pulled the blades apart into a small useless pile. It wasn’t fair this should make him angry shouldn’t it?

“No... I don’t. I’m sorry.” He mumbled with defeated resignation.

“Why not?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter?”

What Ushijima meant was; 'If I can’t play you have no reason to care about me anymore.' What came out was-

“It just doesn’t. Okay?”

“Again with the condescending nonsense! Arrgh!! You’re impossible!”

That was Oikawa’s final word before stomping away at a walking pace faster than most people could jog. 

“Oikawa wait!”

It was too late he either didn’t hear or didn’t want to. Ushijima watched him until he was out of sight. He let himself fall backwards into the grass. Dammit. He shouldn’t have phrased it like that. Why was expressing himself so difficult. He stared up at the sky, grey clouds had taken over the sun once more. He stayed like that for a while longer. Though he knew he should get up and go home before- drip. A raindrop splashed his cheek. A few more followed, and by the time he stood up and was walking home it was a full blown shower.

Once home he peeled off his soaked clothes in exchange for sweats and toweled off his hair. Homework could wait, he just wanted to lie down in bed for the rest of the day. He clicked on his phone and opened his texts.

_-Hey Satori?_

A few hours passed without a response. It had been a while since he felt this confused. He’d known coming back to Japan wasn’t going to be easy, but this last week was something else entirely.

_-yo what’s up :0_

_-I think, I might be an idiot._

_-umm ok kind of a weird thing to say, is everything ok?_

That was a dumb thing to say now Tendou was worried.

 _-Never mind forget I said anything._

_-okay??? u know I’m here for u if u need me :0_

_-Yes, thank you. Sorry to bother you. I’ll talk to you later._

Later was fine, he’d talk to him about this eventually. He just needed some time to process. Jumping to conclusions wouldn’t get him anywhere, he just needed to think of what is the rational answer. One that makes the most logical sense. He got up from his bed and made himself a hot cup of tea and sat on his balcony to think.

He ran circles in his brain, desperate to come up with any conclusion that wasn’t admitting that he was indeed, still completely enamored with Oikawa Tooru. The rain continued to pitter-patter, he tried to let the noise drown out his racing thoughts to no success. He would have to at least apologize for his behavior today. Flowers maybe? He had plenty to choose from, roses, daffodils, irises. Or perhaps he could just get a bouquet from the store. He glanced at the hydrangeas. They would be perfect, but they weren’t going to bloom for weeks, if at all. Maybe he should wait. Would Oikawa even like flowers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The burn is so slow 😩 I hope y’all will hang in here with me. Thank you for the kudos and nice comments ;u;


	4. Bad Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual no beta! Sorry if there’s any glaring mistakes ;o;

The days following the park encounter were intolerably slow. Classes that week had only served as a mild reprieve from Ushijima’s myriad of thoughts. However, Friday had finally arrived, but the promise of free time only brought with it the doom and gloom of being alone to overthink everything all over again. He doodled strange little creatures in the margins of his notes during last lecture of the day. Coward, loser, condescending jerk... he didn’t want Oikawa to be right about those.

On his way home from class he stopped at the garden shop and bought a white orchid. The implications of a bouquet were too... romantic. A simple orchid was a much better peace offering. He took the stairs up to his apartment’s floor, part of his new routine of being extra careful to not run into a certain setter. He peaked into the hallway, all clear. Quickly he rushed into his apartment, letting out a relieved sigh as he closed the door behind him and dropped his book bag to the floor.

Alright, now all he had to do was go right back out into that hall and knock on Oikawa’s door. This would be fine, he would just offer up the flower and ask him if they could talk. Ushijima took a deep breath, he was strong, he could do this! He stepped back out into hall, Oikawa’s door was only a few short paces away. The former ace closed his eyes and knocked on the door.

Silence.

He tried again, and still nothing.

Ushijima looked down at the floor, he wasn’t sure why he’d expected anything different. Disappointment clenched in his chest. No, no... he probably just wasn’t home, it was Friday after all. He sighed with dejection and slunk back into his own apartment. He’d try again tomorrow, he just needed to be patient. After setting the orchid on the kitchen counter, he got himself a glass of water and sat the edge of his futon.

_“Wakatoshi, you shouldn’t be in such a rush to get back on your feet.” His mother said._

_“It’s been 3 months, the doctor said I could walk with the brace on.”_

_“You know they said you could walk only if you have to, you are being impatient.”_

_“I was just getting a glass of water, mom.”_

_“That’s something you can ask me or your sister to do, go back to your room and rest. You’re worrying me to death.”_

Ushijima unlocked his phone and began thumbing through the contacts, stopping at his mom’s name. Mother’s Day was coming soon he really ought to call her. Her side of the family had always been more strict and traditional than his dad’s. He hadn’t ever thought too much about it until he was trapped at home recovering. He’d lived at Shiratorizawa Academy’s dorms for the entirety of high school. That place had plenty of rules, but he had friends and he didn’t have to act or speak in any particular way.

A notification alert brought him back to the present. It was from Tendou.

_-hey friend, u doin ok??_

That’s right... he never did get around to texting him back. 

_-I’m alright._

_-wakatoshi I can tell something is bothering u.._

_-... you are very perceptive. Alright, my new neighbor is Oikawa._

_-Akdjjsaj REALLY? <:0_

A smile cracked on Ushijima’s lips.

_-Yes, really._

_-wow ok, huh. I was gonna be mad that you’ve been moody lately but this explains a lot_

_-Moody?_

_-yes moody. But, ur forgiven!! have u talked to him at all??_

_-That’s fair. And I have, it didn’t go well._

_-i see, so you still like him right?_

It was strange to see it in words. Satori was one of the few people who knew he wasn’t interested in women. It was his intuition that allowed him to put two and two together about his feelings towards Oikawa. That’s why they were best friends, he didn’t have to tell Tendou everything for him to understand.

 _-I don’t exactly know. It’s been a long time since I last saw him._

_-understandable, wow though, like what are the odds_

_-I think I just have bad luck._

_-what??? No! ur miracle boy wakatoshi, I bet this will turn out to be a good thing_

_-You are very optimistic, but thank you._

_-oh come on, u said it didn’t go well that’s been like every time u tried to talk to him before_

_-You’re not wrong.._

_-i think you should try again_

Ushijima glanced at the orchid, then the door.

_-You’re right, as always. I’ll try again._

_-and message me about it!!_

_-I will, I swear._

_-good!!!_

He definitely would! Tomorrow. Ushijima decided he’d had enough of thinking about Oikawa for today. His eyes wandered around his apartment for something to do. The laundry basket was getting full, that’s something. His place didn’t have a washer and dryer, luckily he didn’t have to go far to find some. His building had a little laundromat for residents down in the basement. Friday was always a good day for laundry too since not many people used it then. Too busy out having lives probably.

The washing room was as he expected, totally empty. Four washers and four dryers lined the room in an L shape, the other side had a flat counter for folding clothes protruding from the wall and a few chairs. Two of the machines were already running upon arrival; guess a few others had the same idea as him. No, there was no way. He banished the thought and put some headphones on. There was no way he could be _that_ unlucky. Once the clothes were loaded up he took a seat. The hum of the machines hummed pleasantly under the beat of his music. He enjoyed the peacefulness of the mundane. After about ten minutes went by, one of the dryers shut off with a quiet ding, followed soon by the sound of footsteps down the hall. His eyes shot to the door, watching it like a hawk.

A middle aged man came through and scooped his dress shirts and slacks into a wicker basket and exited quickly. Oh. Haha.

Ushijima rubbed his temple, he needed to stop being paranoid. He turned his music up in hopes that it would keep his thoughts from wandering down the rabbit hole of what-ifs. The image of Oikawa with little white bunny ears came to his mind’s eye. It was devastatingly cute. Less cute was the following image of his old coach Washijou as the Red Queen telling him to do more diving drills or it would be off with his head. He let his mind wander through these funny comparisons to pass the time.

The other dryer had stopped as he was loading up his own clothes. He peered at the door momentarily, but stopped himself from focusing on it. He was just being ridiculous. No one came by at all in the time it took for his own clothes to dry. He half wondered if they’d been forgotten, he glanced at the time on his phone. It was almost nine o’clock, the laundry room would be closing in an hour. Regardless, that wasn’t his problem. He picked up his laundry basket and went to open the door.

As he pulled it open, he felt a push from the other side. The door swung too fast and he lost his footing, stumbling backwards his bad foot slid on an abandoned sock at an unpleasant angle. His ankle gave and he fell backwards onto the hard linoleum floor, his clothes tumbling out of their basket.

“Oh my god I’m so sor-

-ry.”

The drop in tone was enough for him to know that he was indeed just _that_ unlucky. Ushijima rubbed the back of his head a uncomfortable soreness washing over him. He looked up at Oikawa who was staring down at him with alarm and trepidation. Seems like this wasn’t exactly the way he’d wanted his night to go either.

“Oh my god, are you like stalking me or something Ushiwaka?”

“No.” He really should stop answering to that nickname. “I was just leaving…”

The setter just huffed. Ushijima tried to stand, that was a mistake. A sharp pain shot through ankle, causing him to wince and grit his teeth. Painfully aware of his struggle on full display to his crush that definitely hates his guts.

“Are… are you okay?”

“...I’m fine.” Why would he care?

The former ace rolled over on his elbows and propped himself up onto his knees, deciding that would be a better strategy for getting back up. It wasn’t great, but he managed to get about halfway. From there any pressure on his ankle felt excruciating.

“Here… let me help you.”

Ushijima looked up again seeing Oikawa’s hand held out to him.

“Im fine really I-“ Ushijima tried putting some weight on to his bad foot. He winced and sucked in a pained breath.

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “You obviously aren’t. Let me help you, you stubborn jerk.”

The setter wasn’t giving him an option this time, he bent down and pulled Ushijima’s arm around his shoulder and hoisted him up onto his good leg. The support wasn’t wholly unwelcome. Oikawa was warm, and he smelled nice. His hair was a little damp, presumably he’d just taken a shower. The former ace felt a bit dizzy as he was walked over to the counter where he could prop himself up.

“There.” Oikawa turned away and bent down to pick up the clothes he’d knocked out of Ushijima’s hands.

“You don’t need to-“

“Just shut it okay?”

The ace opened his mouth to argue then closed it. He really didn’t have much of a choice. He sat on the edge of the folding counter and looked down at his ankle. The hurt was dull but wasn’t persisting in intensity, that was a good sign. He didn’t want to go see his physical therapist or any other doctor about it. He’d gotten pretty sick of that.

_“You have to be careful about that ankle, your recovery has been going well. But it’ll be more prone to light sprains and likely neurological pain.”_

_“Neurological pain?” He asked the doctor._

_“It is a common symptom when your nerves take traumatic damage like this. You might feel pain stronger than would naturally occur even with minor agitation to the effected area. In some cases you may feel pain when there’s nothing wrong.”_

_Traumatic? He didn’t like that word._

“Hey, hey! Earth to Ushiwaka!” Oikawa was waving his hand in his face.

“... yes?”

Oikawa set his laundry along with Ushijima’s on the counter next to him.

“I asked if you were going you’ll be able to make it upstairs. I think you twisted your ankle pretty bad.”

“It would seem that is the case...”

Oikawa’s arms were crossed and he tapped his bicep impatiently.

“Look. I know things with us aren’t great, but can you drop the wishy washy attitude? I do have some decency, y’know. I feel bad for knocking you over.”

“It was an accident. You shouldn’t feel guilty.”

The setter thought about that for a moment.

“You know what! You’re absolutely right, I won’t feel guilty about it! I’m just going to get my things and leave then.” Faux cheerfulness was spat like venom. He snatched his bag and swung it over his shoulder and headed towards the door.

“Wait!”

He stopped and turned slowly, there was a smarmy look on his face.

“Oh? What’s this? Does the cool unshakable Ushiwaka-chan need my help?”

Ushiwaka-chan’s lips were pressed in a stern line, eyebrows furrowed.

Oikawa snickered and spoke again.

“Well, does he?”

“Yes...”

“I’m gonna need you to say that louder, I didn’t hear you.”

“Yes! Please, help me.” At least Oikawa was having fun.

“I thought so!”

The setter moved in close and let Ushijima place his arm around his shoulders once more, this time Oikawa snaked a hand around his back for extra support. His heart beat insistently in chest, he hoped the setter wouldn’t notice as he was walked down the hall to the elevator. This was the closest he’d ever been to Oikawa. His ears felt hot and he was certain his cheeks were flushed red.

From the corner of his eyes he could see Oikawa’s focused and somewhat smug expression. He loved the way his eyelashes curtained his rich brown irises. This was bad, this was doing the absolute opposite of helping him get over his feelings. Before he knew it they were outside their apartment doors. He really didn’t want this to be goodbye again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s what I imagine Ushijima was listening to: https://open.spotify.com/album/2TGEJxj260gHLitdF8es0E?si=thEorsrMSOWHddZf8XKUzA 
> 
> :P hope y’all are continuing to enjoy this fic!!!


	5. Orchid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta! Sorry for any typos or grammatical mistakes!!

“Wait here.” Oikawa slipped out of his hold on Ushijima leaving him to lean awkwardly against the wall next to his font door. He quickly opened up his own apartment and tossed in his laundry bag before closing and locking it. He turned back to his former rival.

“Key please.”

“Oikawa I can unlock my door… its fine I don’t-”

The irritated look prompted him to shut up, fish his house keys out of his pocket and hand them over.

“Thank you~”

“Wait you aren’t coming inside are you?”

“Um, why wouldn’t I?”

“Ah... err. I don’t know.” Ushijima felt rather useless just standing there on one foot.

“Is Ushiwaka-chan a total slob or something? That’d be surprising. I bet your place is super boring and stiff like you.”

“Oikawa..”

“Relax, I’m just kidding.” He unlocked the door and propped it open with Ushijima’s laundry basket. “Okay come here jerkface.”

Ushijima hobbled over using the wall to maintain his balance until he could grab onto Oikawa. From there they stepped into his apartment, flipping the lights on as Oikawa nudged the basket out of the door’s way. It shut behind them with a light click.

Oikawa didn’t say anything about the place right away. He just helped Ushijima get to where he could sit on his futon. Sitting down and being out of his grasp Ushijima felt like he could form coherent thoughts again. Okay. His crush was in his apartment, and he was there. They were there. Together. Alone. He should say something he needed to say something. This was his perfect chance to apologize, properly.

“Uh-um.. thank you, Oikawa.”

“Don’t mention it.” He was preoccupied looking at the numerous houseplants, “You’ve got quite a jungle in here Ushiwaka.”

His fingers grazed lightly along the leaves of the plants lining the top of his bookshelf.

“Oh, uh yeah, I like growing things.”

“No kidding, what’s this one?”

“That’s my blue star fern.”

“And this one next to it?”

“Mahogany fern, and next to that is a lemon button fern.”

“Got a thing for ferns?”

“No that’s just my fern shelf.”

“Fern shelf?” There was warm amusement in his tone.

“They all have similar watering schedules so I keep them together. Um Oikawa, about the other day-”

“Hey, let me see your ankle.”

“My ankle?” Wakatoshi frowned, “No, no. It’s fine, that’s not really necessary you don’t have to-“

Oikawa had walked over and kneeled down in front of him, delicately lifting up his calf and slid off his sneaker. The former ace held his breath, this was starting to look like the beginnings of one of his more embarrassing fantasies all while simultaneously being his worst nightmare.

“I don’t know what you’re deal is, but messing up an ankle is no joke.”

He wanted to laugh a bitter laugh, the setter had no idea.

“I want to make sure it’s okay. I did knock you over after all.”

Ushijima looked away as he rolled up the fabric of his pant leg. There was no stopping him at this point. He couldn’t bear to see what Oikawa would think of it. Shivers prickled up his spine as he felt elegant fingers run along the lines of surgical scars. The room was dismally quiet. He felt a thumb press in with a little more pressure and he sucked in a sharp breath.

“Sorry.” The setter’s voice was quiet.

“It’s fine..” Ushijima braved looking down at him.

Oikawa’s expression was difficult to interpret. Something between totally blank and at the same time melancholy, also just a touch angry? He didn’t look up, just continued to inspect the pale old remnants of cuts and stitches that contrasted Ushijima’s tan skin.

“Do you need ice or anything?”

“I have a pack for stuff like this in the freezer...”

“Mm’kay.”

He got up without another word and rummaged around his refrigerator till he found it. Ushijima sat there in stiff mortification, Oikawa had just seen the worst part of him, touched it even. It was an accident; he shouldn’t feel bad about it. He gave this exact advice barely twenty minutes ago. In fact, he’d given himself that advice for nearly three years. Still the nauseating shame would not let go.

A shock of cold hit the back of his neck.

“Ah hey!” He turned to look at the setter.

Oikawa flashed a brief smile and dropped the cold pack in his lap and sat down next to him. The look on his face had softened from earlier. He spoke his next words carefully, as if trying not to scare away a small animal.

“So, is that why you don’t play anymore?”

“Yeah.” He took the ice pack and pressed to his ankle. Trying to focus on the relief it brought.

“.. it looks like it must’ve hurt.”

“Honestly I blacked out pretty fast.” He took a deep breath. It’s been a while since he pictured the details of what had happened. Oikawa gave a sympathetic cringe.

“Does this mean you’re going to talk to me now or?”

“Yeah.. but before that, uh. Over on the counter there’s a flower, orchid, for.. you…” The proximity to the setter was making an articulate sentence difficult. Goodness he is terrible at this.

Oikawa looked behind him at it and pointed, “That one?”

Ushijima nodded.

“It wasn’t my intention to upset you last week. And my uncle always said you should give someone a gift when you apologize if you really mean it... if you don’t like it that’s okay.” Rambling, he had to stop rambling!

Oikawa went over and examined it, “It’s really pretty, you really went out and got this for me?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm.. well I’ll guess you aren’t a complete jerk.”

He moved back towards former ace, setting his new orchid down on the table by the futon. Instead of sitting down again he continued wandering about the space looking at all the different and strange greenery there was to see. The setter had stopped again in front of the bookshelf with the ferns. He squatted down to look at the old photos that were scattered amongst the little library. There were pictures of Ushijima’s old volleyball teammates, he and his dad on a hike, his uncle’s farm. One in particular Oikawa found himself drawn to was of Ushijima wearing formal graduation attire but he was kneeling down next to two big dogs in the grass.

“Oikawa?”

“So… What happened?”

His back remained turned away from the former ace.

“It was the summer after graduation; I was on a camping trip with my dad and uncle. We were hiking on a trail with a pretty steep cliff face… my uncle lost his footing, I didn’t really think about it, I just rushed in to push him back towards the trail and I stumbled backwards. Next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital.”

He tried his best to tell the story as plainly as possible, he left out the gritty details of the fall, he did blackout, but that was after he’d hit the bottom. The setter still wasn’t looking at him, maybe to spare him the pity. He honestly preferred it that way, he’d heard the words ‘I’m so sorry’ so many times. Yet, silence wasn’t really much better it would seem. So he spoke again.

“You can go now if you want, I’ll be fine.”

He was always fine, it was just easier for everyone if he was fine.

“Are you asking me to leave?” He finally turned around, his head cocked slightly to the side in question.

That was a conundrum. Was he? Oikawa now knew his worst failure and he wasn’t disgusted with him or even outwardly pitying his tragedy. On top of that, this was probably the longest conversation he’d ever had with him. The circumstance was maybe not the best, but thought about Tendou’s words; this could turn out to be a good thing.

“No, it’s not like that.. I just don’t want you to feel obligated to stay.”

“You’re being awfully considerate of my feelings all the sudden Ushiwaka-chan!” His words were followed by an attractive smirk. Then he sauntered over and sat down next to his old rival once more, leaning in just a little too close with a skeptical quirk to his brows.

“Did you get abducted by aliens?”

“Aliens?” His throat felt dry.

“You’re not very good at picking up on jokes are you?” He backed out of Ushijima’s personal space. Crossing his arms behind his head he laid back casually against the futon.

“I suppose not.”

Oikawa, whether he knew it or not, was exceptionally good at making the poor ace flustered beyond reason. However, if Oikawa didn’t want to leave then Ushijima would stop tempting fate by suggesting it. Everything about this evening had gone so incredibly wrong, yet he felt lighter somehow.

“… Was your uncle okay?”

“Oh, yeah. He was just fine, that’s one of the few good things about it.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“… So. That photo on your shelf, are those your dogs?”

“Yeah, they live at my mom’s house though.”

“They’re really cute, what kind are they?”

“The one with the pointy ears is an akita her name is Mio and the other one is a tosa, his name is Jiro.”

“It’s a shame you can’t have them at this place, I’d love to pet a big fluffy dog right now.”

“I could.. take you to meet them sometime.”

Ushijima glanced over his shoulder. Oikawa was staring at the ceiling. That unreadable expression had taken over again. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but before the words could escape their eyes met. They held each other’s quiet gaze. Something hung heavy in the air, as if Ushijima’s apartment really was some dense foggy jungle. Whatever it was Oikawa wanted to say Wakatoshi didn’t get the chance to find out.

The setter swiftly sat up from his reclined position, snatched up his new plant, then scurried to the door. He stopped before making his exit and said very quickly, “I just remembered something I need to do… uh, thank you for the flowers, sorry I knocked you over.”

With that he was out the door before Ushijima could hardly say, “Uh bye?”

He blinked a few times. Did… he say something wrong? Again?? The apology had gone so well though. It was probably weird to invite him to his mom’s house, he put his face in his hands, gah stupid. After a few minutes trying to charter the course his evening had taken and failing to make any sense of it, he thought to get up and hobble over to lock his door. Oikawa wouldn’t be coming back anytime soon, or ever maybe. The initial pain of the twist from earlier had dulled substantially allowing him to move around, albeit with a slight limp. It hopefully wouldn’t give him too much trouble this week, he would have to wear his brace most likely.

The room felt strikingly empty in the setter’s absence. The creeping vines and foliage accumulated over the months prior didn’t do much to fill in the space he left behind. He bit his lip and subconsciously reached for his phone in his pocket. Odd, it wasn’t there. Right. It probably fell out it the laundry room. Oikawa must’ve picked it up but where did he put it?

He looked around on the futon, then in his laundry basket to no avail. The laundry room would be closed by now. Just as he was ready to give up his search for the night the familiar buzz buzz of a text message vibrated on the corner of his shelf. Kind of a weird place but he wasn’t about to complain.

Checking the screen he saw it was just Tendou. He clicked it open to see a picture of a baby cow with a heart shaped marking on its forehead.

_-it’s you_

Sending pictures of cows to Ushijima was a long time staple of their inside jokes. And it was just the kind of comfortable familiarity he’d needed after his experience today.

_-If that’s true, than I am very cute._

Not in the mood to put his clothes away he fished out some pajamas from the laundry basket. Then discarded the day’s worn cloths by half-heartedly throwing them in the direction of where the laundry basket normally lives. He’d deal with it tomorrow. He plopped down into bed and did his best to ignore the fact the man he has admired for most of his life was lying there hardly ten minutes ago.

Buzz buzz. Thank goodness for Satori Tendou.

_\- hahaha!! U are! Also! season finale tomorrow!!! im so excited_

_\- Me too._

They texted back and forth for a while about the show. Ushijima didn’t mention Oikawa, he didn’t want to be up all night answering questions. He clicked onto the main message menu. That’s when he noticed something strange, it was just under his most recent text to Satori.

_-I’m Ushiwaka-chan and I’m a dumb dumb who doesn’t lock his phone!!! Also Oikawa rules and Iwa-chan was a better wing spiker than me!! ;P_

The text had been sent to an unfamiliar contact; The Grand King. Ushijima stared at the words for a while before it struck him. Oikawa had given him his phone number. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would be lying if I said this fic wasn’t partially an excuse to share all of my Ushijima family headcanons 😅 thank you for your comments and kudos ;u; pssst if you like playlists for ur ships here is my ushioi list https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVwYPuYPr47iKRiRqCdXGqmoLMBknQJOA UwU


	6. Trying Your Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta reader! Sorry for any typos/grammar issues

That weekend he watched the season finale of Tendou’s anime over the phone with him. The call lasted way longer as they caught each other up on their lives. This of course included recounting the events of the laundry room and Tendou not so subtly telling him that he needed to grit his teeth text Oikawa as soon as possible. 

As if it was that easy.

The next week and a half was spent religiously checking his phone every morning to see if the setter had texted him, drafting a message, deleting it, and telling himself it was just because he didn’t want to bother him. From there Ushijima convinced himself that he was terribly busy too, and that was why he hadn’t gotten around to sending a message. It wasn’t as if school stopped being a thing just because Oikawa moved in next door.

He got so wound up in ‘being busy’ that he hadn’t even remembered to call his mom and tell her he was coming home that weekend. He had his garden to worry about too; the hydrangea wasn’t taking to its new pot. Because one Oikawa wasn’t enough to deal with, apparently. Not that he ever officially decided to name the plant after him!

It was Wednesday afternoon and the sun was out, ideal conditions for working on his garden. When he got home he dropped his book bag by the door and tied on his working apron. He placed old newspapers down on the concrete flooring in the balcony, dug out the hydrangea, and confirmed his suspicions about its condition. A good portion of the roots had succumbed to a fungal infection. He trimmed them off and went into his kitchen to mix up a simple fungicide. His phone sat there on the counter next to him, goading him to try and say something yet again. He sighed and started typing.

_\- Hey Oikawa, I would love the chance to see you again__

Backspace _._ Yeah, no way.

 _\- Hello Oikawa, I’d like to see you again__

Not quite.

 _\- Hey Oikawa, are y__

The the phone buzzed in his hand. This startled him into fumbling with the device and dropping it to the floor. He sighed, not bothering to bend down and pick it up. Instead he just sat down next to it feeling exasperated with his own ineptitude. To his silent horror, he realized the unfinished message had sent. Right above it was a new message from Oikawa.

 _\- hey, how often should I water the plant??_

Then a ‘•••’ flashed briefly followed up with;

- _huh?_

Crap.

 _-Sorry, I wasn’t finished typing. You should water it once a week._

_\- okay!_

The ‘•••’ appeared once more, quickly followed with;

 _\- u gonna finish what u were trying to say?_

Was he? Shit. What would be a normal question?

- _Yes, sorry about that. I meant to ask; Are you going to be in Miyagi for Mother’s Day weekend?_

Good save, he hoped.

_-maybe. why?_

Ushijima ignored the biting skepticism the text seemed to convey. Sure Oikawa had was significantly less hostile in their last encounter, but things were never simple or straightforward with him. He had to at least try right?

_-If you’re in town too, you could meet my dogs. There’s an off leash park I used to take them to a lot._

The ‘•••’ came and went a few times, but no reply followed suit. He tapped away from the app. It didn’t do any good to know if he was typing or not. Ushijima began to worry that he was trying to think of a polite way to say no… A sense of disappointment was tearing through the frail nature of his optimism. He reached behind and set his phone back on the counter, not wanting to see the answer. Assuming he’d even get one. The former ace pulled his knees up to his chest leaning his elbows and face against them. Closing his eyes he half-hoped he might fall asleep like that. When had his constitution grown so weak?

For a while he just listened to the hum of the city drift in from outside. There was a distant siren, cars passing by, a light breeze coaxing gentle rings from a wind chime, footsteps from the neighbors above him. Quietly searching for something in reality to ground himself in, something to ward off the tightness in his chest. He opened his eyes and stared passed his balcony through the bars and to the blue sky beyond. An airplane cut silver trails through the vast expanse of blue.

 _The plane landed around 4PM on the day previous to when he’d left_. _A sixteen hour time difference was going to take some getting used to. The Seattle airport hadn’t been terribly busy when he arrived which was nice, his English wasn’t great. He’d been studying again in preparation for the trip, but it was a lot different in practical application. He felt immense relief hearing his dad’s voice calling out to him in his native tongue after he’d got his luggage._

_“Watatoshi! Over here!” He had a big warm smile on as he pulled his son in for a hug. He talked about what he planned making for dinner, how the soccer team was doing that year, the weather, anything that wasn’t about why Wakatoshi was there. Not until they reached his dad’s home and settled in. His dad took a seat on the couch next to his son and spoke gently._

_“You can always talk to me you know. I’m so happy to have you here. I know I haven’t been around like a father should be but-”_

_“Dad, it’s okay. You don’t need to apologize.”_

_“I see. Heh, I should have expected as much. You’ve always been a strong person, even when you were little.”_

_In the past, Ushijima thinks he may have agreed with him about that, but now he just looks away. Unsure of what to say, unsure of himself. He couldn’t see the pensive frown his father wore._

_“You’ll find your way again. You have plenty of time to figure it out. All I want is for you to do something that makes you happy.”_

_He looks at his dad, there is that warm smile. The same one he remembers from when he and him would toss his old volleyball back and forth. It was the first time in nearly a year that he’d felt something that wasn’t purely apathy._

_“Alright. I’ll try.”_

Ushijima stood up from the kitchen floor. There were plenty of things he didn't know anymore. But he knew one thing, and that was he felt happy when he was working in the dirt and helping things grow. He grabbed the bowl of the anti-fungal mixture and poured it into a spray bottle and finished treating the hydrangea’s roots and soil. He checked his other plants for similar signs of rot. The rest were fortunately doing just fine, save for a few aphids crawling around on his daisies. He gave the hydrangea one last look before going back inside.

“Why do you give me so much grief?” Which Oikawa he’d asked was a mystery, even to him.

Once he cleaned up Ushijima decided he should stop ‘forgetting’ or ‘being too busy’ to call his mom. When he opened his phone there were still no new messages. Sigh. He switched to the contacts menu and tapped the call home number instead of her cellphone. With some luck someone else would potentially answer. It rang a few times before someone picked up.

“Hello?” A young woman’s voice. Oh good it was his half-sister.

“Hi Chiyo its Wakatoshi… you wouldn’t mind telling mom I’ll be home this weekend would you? I already got my train ticket.”

“Oh wow, my runaway hermit brother is actually gonna be home? Don’t you think you should’ve called sooner?”

“I, uh… Well you know how school is, I would really appreciate it if you'd do this for-“

“Yeah yeah, but you have to promise to take me to the city sometime!”

“I’ll take you this summer after you graduate.”

“Aw what?! That’s so far off, but okay. You better bring something nice for mom, she’s been worried about you.”

“Oh.”

He could hear her sigh, “Hey, I’m glad you’re visiting. Mom will be too. And call me Chiyoko, I’m not a little kid anymore!”

“Right, Chiyoko, and thank you, I owe you. See you soon, goodbye.”

The line clicked off. Well that was two problems resolved, sort of. He had texted Oikawa and made his arrangements to visit home. Except Oikawa didn't seem to want to write back and he felt a looming sense of dread about seeing his mom again. He did love his mother plenty, but ever since his career was ruined she treated him differently. It was as if she couldn't see him as an adult who could take care of himself anymore, which ironically had been how she seemed to treat him all of his teenage years. On top of that, everyone on that side of the family had a million questions for him about his stay in America, his school, and his future as well. It was uncomfortable, he didn't like being the center of attention. Still, he needed to think of a present for his mom. He wanted to get something for Mrs. Ogawa as well before he left.

Thursdays were luckily his free day, which was perfect for running all the errands he needed to get done before heading home. He started the day by cutting a little bouquet of the spring flowers from his garden and bringing them to Mrs. Ogawa in the morning. She was totally delighted by the gesture and invited him in for a quick cup of coffee before he went out shopping.

“Wakatoshi, don’t be too worried about what you get your mom. I’m sure she’ll be happy with whatever you do.”

“Heh, you’re probably right.” She was of course, but it didn't make the situation less complicated.

“I think you’ve got a good eye for gifts, Tooru-chan said you gave him a beautiful orchid, which was very thoughtful.”

“He told you about that?” A blush creeped onto his cheeks.

“I saw him on the elevator a few days ago and asked if he wanted some homemade bread as a housewarming gift, he was so quick to show it to me when I stopped by to drop it off. Funny boy.”

“Oh, that nice. I’m glad he liked it... did he say anything else about me?”

She grinned at him. “He mentioned something about potentially seeing you in Miyagi, I didn't realize you were both from that area! You go have a nice day shopping Toshi-chan! Try not to worry so much.”

“Heh, I’ll do my best. Thank you.”

Shopping went by just fine. He found a nice wooden hair comb for his mom it was hand carved and had seashells embellished in a flower petal design. In his search for a Mother’s day present, he decided to find a gift for his sister as well. He ended up buying a set of three plush keychains. He had scoured the stores for merchandise of the mascot she liked, but the only way he could get her favorite character was to get all three of them.

That evening he wrapped his mother's gift in a nice little box and put his sister’s gift into a little gift bag. Unsure of what to do with the other keychains he clipped them to his bag. It seemed a little sad to leave them to languish away in his apartment, and maybe his sister would want the other two anyways. After that he packed up the rest of his duffel bag with clothes and things he’d need for a weekend stay.

The next day he spent his lecture class in the back row rereading his messages to Oikawa. He still hadn't gotten a reply. What was he doing wrong? Yet Oikawa had bragged about him to the neighbor lady. And mentioned seeing him that weekend? The timing of Mrs. Ogawa's statement didn't line up with when he'd sent his texts. So Oikawa had been thinking about seeing him in Sendai before he had asked him about it? Why was he so impossible to figure out! He thought about these questions all the way to the train station that afternoon. In an effort to save money he chose to not go for reserved seating, he got to the station early so he could board as soon as possible and get himself a window seat. Staring at scenery for a few hours would help him clear his head.

Or so he thought.

“Is this seat taken?”

Ushijima was starting to think that he should just write in his planner that he would have to expect an unexpected meeting with Oikawa at least once a week now. The coincidences were getting seriously ridiculous.

“No, of course not.” That was the natural and polite answer.

“Good!” The setter smiled and put his bag in the overhead bin and took his seat next to a rather confused Ushijima.

The inner conflict of his feelings was masked by his inherently stony demeanor. On one hand he was totally annoyed with the setter, on the other he thought about what Mrs. Ogawa had said about how much Oikawa had liked his gift. Bragged about it practically. It was driving him insane.

“So, you’re going home for Mother’s Day too then?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just 'Ushijima Feels Self Doubt: The Chapter.'
> 
> I apologize if this chapter wasn't all that exciting, had to get the stage all set >:)


	7. Just Picture This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! No beta as usual so sorry for any typos or just weird text errors in general!!

“So, you’re going home for Mother’s Day too then?”

Ushijima asked his question without a second thought, his irritation with Oikawa’s capricious attitude about being nice to him overcame his desire to be accepted by the setter. He could only take so much. If he was going to be trapped next to him for two hours he was going to get at least a few answers out of him.

“I’m on the train to Sendai, I think that’s pretty obvious Ushiwaka.”

“So, not a ‘maybe’.” Ushijima’s face was impassive as ever, except for his eyes which had narrowed in cold indignation.

Oikawa pursed his lips and looked at the ground. Ushijima wondered why he bothered to sit by him.

“I was going to get back to you, but I got busy.”

“Right.”

The former ace was not convinced. But if that’s how Oikawa wanted to phrase it then Ushijima figured he could be fine with it. It hurt all the same anyways. Perhaps being spared the setter’s usual colorful language was a blessing in disguise. Still, the dissonance amongst all of the setter’s actions and words was perplexing to him. It prevented him from closing whatever door had opened between them in the midst of their chaotic reunions.

“… You’re not going to let me avoid that are you?”

“You are the one who chose to sit by me…”

“That’s true. Okay, Ushiwaka I-”

The second the nickname came out, Ushijima’s eyebrows knitted together into a piercing glare, followed by him looking away towards the window. There was absolutely no way he was going to answer to that name right now. He’d rather watch the bland scenery rushing by as the train built up speed than get berated by the setter. He really was not in the mood.

Oikawa sighed, “Look, Ushijima… I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to leave you hanging there.”

“Are you?”

He fiddled with his thumbs and spoke quietly, “I am… I know things maybe haven’t been easy for you and all… it’s hard for me to phrase this, but I guess it is just kind of difficult for me to accept this is the way things are now.”

Ushijima bit the corner of his lip. How dare Oikawa take his struggles and make it about his personal feelings, right? Could he really just accept the apology? A man with more pride probably would not, but pride was difficult to come by these days. He lost his chance at his dreams, and it had hurt more than he’d ever admit. Would that mean he took away a piece of Oikawa’s dream too? They were supposed to be rivals. The chance to defeat him properly was an unspoken agreement, even if Ushijima couldn’t understand why. Ushijima may have never asked to be his antagonist, he had always been happy to play a role in Oikawa’s story. But that opportunity was gone now.

“I see…”

“I see?!” He blurted out, earning a few strange looks from other passengers. The setter huffed and spoke softer.

“What do you mean ‘I see’?”

“I mean, I think I understand your perspective. Well what you were just saying at least.” It wasn’t forgiveness exactly, but he had to stop closing himself off and sabotaging whatever relationship was forming between them.

The corner of Oikawa’s lip bent downward, somewhere between a pout and frown. “Oh… well good.”

“I would um…” He took a deep breath, it was embarrassing. He took the anesthesia shots for surgery and painful months of physical therapy like a champ, but being remotely vulnerable in front Oikawa? Utterly atrocious. “I would like the chance to talk to you about it more. Just, not right now.”

He watched the setter anxiously. Oikawa pursed his lips in a way that made Ushijima desperately wish he was born with the emotional intuition that everyone else seemed to have. He spoke again in a rush.

“I’m not trying to tell you what to do! I just meant not here… on the train..” The former ace’s voice trailed off.

“Right.” He looked up with a thoughtful expression, “Later is fine, but only if you promise to let me see those dogs of yours.”

“Oh, so… you actually did want to meet them?”

“Um, yes? They’re big cute dogs, who wouldn’t?”

“You got me there, well then it’s a deal.” He closes his eyes and smiles, a soft genuine smile, feeling relieved they didn’t get into another argument.

The former ace would never understand the lethal levels of charming that radiate from aforementioned smiles. Oikawa was no match for it. The setter cleared his throat and looked away, a hint of pink dusting his cheeks.

“Ahem, yes well, of course I did.” He dares to glance back at his old rival from the corner of his eye. The heart stopping smile had reverted to his normal placid look. Thank goodness. “I’m not busy tomorrow morning, but I can also find some time on Sunday too.”

“Tomorrow morning is good!” Ushijima replies a little too quick for his reserved persona, but he didn’t want to risk losing any chances now. “Here I’ll text you the address.”

Oikawa watches as he searched around in his messenger bag, spotting the two cutesy keychains from when he’d been on his present hunt.

“...Ushiwaka?”

“Yes?” He finds his phone and straightens back up in his seat.

“Are you a Never Say Sayonara Friends fan?”

“A what?”

“Your keychains? You’ve got Aki and Yui.”

“Oh, those?” He’d forgotten he put them there. “Heh, not exactly but my sister really likes it.”

Oikawa smiles and tilts his head inquisitively.

“I had to get the whole set to get the character she likes... and it seemed kind of sad to leave the other two just sitting around my apartment.” He picked up his bag to examine the little fluffy creatures.

Oikawa frowns, but before Ushijima can try to guess what he said wrong the setter says, “Ushiwaka-chan, that is ridiculously cute.”

It’s Wakatoshi’s turn to blush now.

“Oh, uh, thank you.” That was all he can think to say. His heart was beating way too fast. Did Oikawa really just call him cute?

“My nephew used to really like the show. I watched it a lot when I’d babysit him.”

“Nephew? So you must have an older brother or sister?” He replies, grateful for the subject change.

“Yes a sister, and yeah she’s definitely a lot older than me, obviously.”

“Mine is younger, she’ll be graduating high school soon.”

“And she still likes stuff like this?”

“Yes, but it is a sensitive subject.”

“Why’s that?”

“My mother is very... traditional. But she can’t tell her not to have stuff like this if I get it for her. So I do.”

“That’s really kind of you.”

That’s two compliments now. Ushijima was beginning to feel rather sheepish.

“It just seems like the right thing to do.” He fiddled with the keychains, feeling the textures of the fuzzy parts in contrast to the embroidered faces.

“So your sister likes Ruri? She’s alright, but I’m not really into cats.”

Ushijima blinks a few times and squints at the plushes. “You can tell what kind of animals they’re supposed to be?” He genuinely couldn’t, the designs were so styled he really wasn’t sure. Oikawa laughed at this.

“Ruri is the main one, she’s a cat.” He points at the one with floppy ears and a curly tail. “That’s Aki, shes a dog.”

“A dog, really?”

“Yeah and Yui is a bunny. She’s the best one.”

He looks at them again. “Huh. I’ll have to take your word for it.”

“Hey, Ushiwaka.”

“Hm?”

Oikawa puts his arm around his shoulder and holds out his cellphone. “Let’s take a selfie.” He says it like intended to give Ushiwaka a choice. Ushijima just stares at himself reflected on the screen, hyper-aware of the warm body next to his. The setter throws up a peace sign and his signature dashing smile. He pulls away to look at the picture, snickering at the result. He holds it out for Ushijima to see. He used one of those photo filter apps, Ushijima’s straight face was decorated with little drawn on nose and whiskers with ears to match.

“Well, at least one of us looks nice.”

“Oh don’t be hard on yourself you look fine!”

Ushijima gives Oikawa a serious look, “I wasn’t talking about myself.”

The setter pauses and looks at the picture. “Wh- Hey!! Excuse me, I look great I’ll have you know!”

Ushijima raises an eyebrow. Oikawa blinks, and the joke finally lands and he lets a light airy laugh that makes the former ace feel like he could run a marathon.

“Oh my god! I cannot deal with you!”

Ushijima smiles and Oikawa rolls his eyes playfully.

“Okay funny guy, what’s your Instagram?”

“Oh, that. I have one, I don’t really use it that much.”

“So? I still want to tag you. Here just type it in.” He hands him the phone. The brief moment their finger’s brush sends a jolt through the spiker’s heart. He wasn’t sure if he was going to survive this trip. Being around Oikawa was like staring into the sun, brilliant even though he can burn you, energizing and exhausting.

“Thank you~”

He watches Oikawa type up a caption and post the picture. Then he taps Wakatoshi’s account and thumbs through the few pictures he’s bothered to put up. It consists of flowers, scenery, and fanciful leaf patterns in the foam of coffee mugs he’d learned to make when worked as a barista during his time in the US.

“These are pretty,” the setter comments mildly, “you must really like plants and stuff.”

“Well I am going to school for agriculture and botanical science, but it was something I’ve always found interesting.”

“It’s hard to believe you had more than volleyball on your brain ever.” Oikawa pauses, “Wait that came out wrong.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it…”

“Yeah… how about we talk more later.”

“Yeah that’d be okay.”

Oikawa digs around in his pockets, then his bag. “Crap, my headphones..”

Ushijima could hear practically Tendou’s voice shouting at him to not give up so easily, and in a moment of bravery says, “You can use mine.”

Oikawa looks at the headphones being offered to him. “Then what would you do?”

The former ace shrugs.

“Alright…” Oikawa takes the headphones and plugs them into his phone, glancing over at Ushijima who was already staring out the window again. The spiker doesn’t see the mischievous smirk on Oikawa’s face as he reaches out to try and stick one of the speakers into his ear. He does hear him chuckle when Ushijima’s shoulder’s flinch at the sudden contact.

“What are you-“

“Sharing. So don’t complain.” He says still holding the earbud out.

“I- uh. Okay.” He takes it and puts it in his ear, trying to ignore the fact that this means they’ll be sitting shoulder to shoulder for an hour and half. As far as the music was concerned they actually had very similar tastes. Ushijima chose not to comment on this, but it made his heart just that much lighter. To avoid staring at Oikawa, who had slouched down a bit in the seat next to him, he focused on the window yet again. There wasn’t much to see as the sun had nearly finished setting.

When the playlist had begun to repeat itself Ushijima stopped zoning out and noticed that Oikawa had dozed off on his shoulder. This was a regular occurrence on the Shiratorizawa Volleyball Club bus. Unbeknownst to him, his fellow teammates considered him to be the comfiest person to share a seat with, especially for long trips. That was years ago, and this wasn’t his friends, it was Oikawa Tooru. Slowly, he turned his gaze onto him, careful not to move too suddenly.

The first thing he took note of was how soft and very kissable his lips looked there parted ever so slightly. He’d probably be good at it too. He also liked the way his hair fell slightly over his eyes in his serene state. Oikawa could fit perfectly into any old painting of some illustrious noble sprawled out peacefully in a field of flowers. A painting he could stare at for hours and always find something new to like about it. Having a crush was the absolute worst, Ushijima decided. He closed his eyes and leaned back as best he could without disturbing Oikawa. For a while he just listened to the songs playing over again until the next thing he knew was the feeling of the train coming to a stop and realization he’d also fallen asleep.

Ushijima’s cheek rested against Oikawa’s head, and the setter was snuggled in much closer than before. Both seemingly realized in unison how cozy they had inadvertently gotten with each other. They separate quickly; their eyes meet briefly before they turn away both a little flustered. Neither says a word as they exit the train. Once the pair reach the lobby of the train station Oikawa hands back the headphones.

“… So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning?” There is an uncertainty in his eyes that Ushijima tries his best to ignore it.

“Yes, see you then.” He offers a shy smile and, to his surprise, gets one in return just before the setter turns to go on his way.

“Toshi-chan!” He spots his sister waving for him standing by their step-father. He looks back in the direction the setter had walked away in one more time before joining up with his family.

“Friend of yours?” His step-father asks as they get in the car.

“Acquaintance.”

“Your acquaintance is cute.” His sister adds.

“And too old for you.” Says Ushijima, he turns and makes stern face at her from the passenger’s seat.

“I didn’t mean for me, it was just an observation.” She smiles and gives her brother a knowing look. Ushijima is grateful her implications fly over their step-dad's head. He opts to ignore her teasing and look at his phone instead. He had several new texts, an odd occurrence for him. It made him a bit nervous. The two most recent were from Oikawa and Tendou.

Oikawa’s message just says:

_-what time should I be at the park?_

Tendou sent had sent several.

- _hey wakatoshi ur goin home this weekend right lets hang_

_-omg a beetle just landed on me and were best friends now_

_-holy shit_

_-WAKATOSHI_

Along with a screenshot of Oikawa’s post.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall sorry i haven't been updating as quickly as before, I'll try to be getting to all of the comments I've missed as well, though if I dont I apologize!!! I always feel anxiety if I don't reply right away T_T ... The last few weeks have been kind of hectic as I have temporarily moved back to my parents home due to the pandemic. I'm quarantining in our rickety old camper, but hey, its got power and miraculously the wifi from the house reaches it hahaha. I hope you guys enjoyed the little drawing I did! I probably wont do much art for future chapters, but the gods of fanfic illustration said I had to draw their selfie or else. Though who knows, being back home has already been a big boon to my mental health and its only been like a week so maybe I'll go nuts. Also, I've made a tumblr for my fic related stuff!! It's: https://cedar-sap-curtains.tumblr.com/ If you're not an Ao3 member this is a great way for you to get updates for my fics, less formal is my twitter @cedar_sap im trying to be more active there so if you wanna see me cry about how much I love ushijima and talk about hockey occasionally then come hanggg


	8. Dog Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual: No beta sorry for any weird typing or grammatical errors 😰😭

When Oikawa had posted the photo of them, Ushijima didn’t really consider that maybe an absurdly charming, handsome, skilled, professional athlete would have a lot of followers. His Instagram had gone from around 20 to 200 followers in the course of a few hours. He’d gotten several texts from his old teammates and friends back in the US ranging from excitement to major concern. He spent nearly an hour on the phone with Tendou that night telling him what happened with the train. Ushijima couldn’t remember the last time he’d talked to so many people in one night. It was exhausting. When he’d finally got off the phone with Tendou, he heard a knock at his door.

“Toshi-chan?”

Oh thank goodness it was just his sister. He could deal with her, even if he didn’t really want to talk to anyone else, dinner and the regular family platitudes had been tiring too. He hadn’t gotten grilled with as many questions about his life as he expected, but the weekend was still young. That thought alone made his stomach turn.

“Yes?” He opens the door just a crack.

“Just wanted to see if you’re okay, you seemed stressed at dinner.”

“I’m fine, Chiyo.” He lies. “I’m just tired from the trip. I’d like to go to bed.”

Chiyoko pouts a little. “Well alright…”

Wakatoshi frowns a little, “Um before you go, hold on.” He grabs her present from his bag and hands it over. “Here, I got this for you.”

She opens and gets a big smile, but then puts on a straight face to rival his own stoic expressions. “Thank you, and remember you call me Chiyoko now.”

He smiles warmly knowing he’d done alright with it. “Of course, goodnight.”

“Night! You can always talk to me if you need to, yknow.” She smiles back and leaves him to his thoughts once more.

He lays out his bedroll and crashes in it as soon as he gets his pajamas on. However, sleep fails to find him like he hoped it immediately would. He lies there and observes what used to be his old room, his mom didn’t waste any time in turning it into a generic guest bedroom after he’d moved out. All traces of his former self were absent. Perhaps it was for the best, more reminders of the past before the morning would just make it more difficult. He was finally going to have a talk with Oikawa, a real talk, the talk they should’ve had the moment they’d crossed paths in that hallway. There were a lot of people he still needed to talk to. It began to feel difficult to breathe. The weight of reality was pressing on his lungs. He rolls onto his side and balls his hands up in the comforter squeezing them tightly. What can he even say for himself? Memories of the year spent in this room came flooding back.

 _“Wakatoshi…you have hardly spoken a word in weeks, why don’t you call one of your friends to come visit, being all alone won’t help you recover.”_

_“…”_

_He stared at the ceiling. What was the point? He has nothing to talk about anymore, he can’t play volleyball anymore. Seeing them wouldn’t make him feel any better. He didn’t want to let them down. His mother sighed and left the room. This has been the routine for a while now. Later that day his sister comes in to bring him dinner and sits at the edge of his bed._

_“Toshi, I’ve been thinking. Maybe we should get you a therapist.”_

_“The doctors said physical therapy won’t begin until the after the bone heals.”_

_“I meant like a brain therapist.”_

_“Why would I need that?”_

_“You’re depressed.” Bluntness definitely runs in the family._

_Depressed? No, that wasn’t possible. He isn’t the kind of person who gets ‘depressed’. Sure he felt bad right now, but he was strong. Right?_

Ushijima didn’t want to admit it then nor does he want to now. Still, a pang of guilt rushes through him and settles uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. It makes him feel a bit light headed. The fleeting thought of just calling the whole thing off suddenly seemed like a great idea. He could just text Oikawa and apologize saying it was all a mistake and that he’d never have to talk to him again and he’d find a new apartment and and-

He sits up and cups his face in his palms. Calm down, he had to calm down. He takes a deep breath, to the count of ten seconds.

Holds for ten.

Breathes out for ten.

He repeats this until he feels his heart rate steady. Now was not the time, he didn’t want Oikawa to think of him as a coward. He didn’t want to be helpless.

The anxiety persists into his sleep, leaving him feeling groggy when his alarm went off the next morning. Still, he persevered through getting up, a shower, and getting dressed. After that was coffee with his stepfather and asking him if he could borrow one of the family’s cars to take the dogs to the park, he got the keys for an old Daihatsu van that used to belong to his uncle. He was a little surprised they still had it. His stepdad offered to join him. Ushijima felt a little bad telling him no, he’d always tried to be a good ‘dad’, but he never had much of a desire to get close to the man.

Now clear of familial awkwardness he ushers his two dogs into the car, both very excited to be going for a ride. Before he takes off he sends Oikawa a quick text to let him know he was on his way. The drive is short and as quiet as a drive can be with two big dogs panting in the backseat. He parks and gets the pups leashed up properly and locks the van.

Glancing over his shoulder he spots Oikawa standing at the entrance looking at his phone. He’s wearing big sunglasses, a pink button up shirt and light-wash jeans. Ushijima passively thinks to himself that Oikawa would have a promising career as a model if volleyball doesn’t work out for him anymore. Come to think of it though, he was the poster boy for a lot of the Black Jackal’s advertisements. Not that Ushijima was doing more research into Oikawa’s team in his downtime. Goodness he was hopeless sometimes. The setter looks up when he sees them approaching and breaks into a big grin.

“Hey!” He rushes up to greet them, immediately squatting down to get acquainted with the dogs. “Oh my god they are so cute!! What are their names again?”

Ushijima blushes and looks away, the dogs are cute yes, but Oikawa’s smile beats them by a landslide.

“Good morning Oikawa. This one is Jiro,” he squats down as well and motions to the stocky tosa, then motions to the fluffy akita, “and this one is Mio.”

He holds out Mio’s leash. “Uh, here.. you can walk her if you’d like.”

Oikawa stops squishing his face against her neck fluff and looks at him. “Really?”

“Yeah, I mean she seems to like you already.”

He takes the leash and stands back up and pats the akita gently, “Mio-chan you’re going to be my best friend for today! Alright come come Ushiwaka-chan, on to the park!” Then pats his head too.

Ushijima frowns, but not because he doesn’t like it, then stands back up. “Heh, right. Yeah.. let’s go.” And he follows Oikawa into the park.

The dog park wasn’t busy in the slightest, only a few couples and individuals aside from them were out with their canine companions. As to be expected, the place wasn’t exactly a premiere Mother’s Day picnic destination.

“So we can walk the trail or play fetch with them, whatever you’d like to do.”

“Hmm, let’s walk first!”

“Alright then, for the trails I like to keep the leash on so they don’t run ahead. Jiro usually doesn’t, but Mio is more energetic.”

The weather is pleasant and the trail was mostly empty save for one encounter with an older couple with two small terriers. They had to stop since Mio was very excited to see other dogs, Jiro on other hand was content to sit by Ushijima until the exchange was over. After which they walked in silence for a while longer.

It was… almost comfortable, similar to the train ride. He wishes he could skip through the inevitable mine field of a conversation they planned to have and just be at the part where they enjoy each other’s company in a peaceful silence. Although, that was a stretch of the imagination Ushijima thought. Oikawa could very well say his piece then want nothing to do with him. He didn’t really like the idea of that.

When they complete the loop of the trail and return to the open area of the park they let the dogs off their leashes and find a nice quiet spot to sit. Ushijima procures a tennis ball to throw, along with some treats and water for the dogs. Oikawa hurls the ball a considerable distance, Mio goes dashing after it and Jiro makes an attempt to keep up but ultimately decides to come back and lay at Ushijima’s side.

“So, talking. We should probably, like, do that.”

“Right… talking, yeah. That is what we planned for this morning…” Words fail to find their way out after that.

The awkward silence is met with Oikawa putting his face in his hand. “You’re a bit hopeless aren’t you, should I go first?”

“No!” he cuts in more abruptly than he’d like, “I mean, no. There is something I’d like to say before anything else.”

The setter eyes him skeptically but says, “Well, alright then, say what you want to say.”

“Oikawa, I’d like to apologize for the way I spoke to you in the past. I don’t mean in just the last few weeks, but all of it.”

The setter is quiet, so Ushijima continues on.

“I’ve always admired you, ever since we first met. Your devotion and skill was, is, incredible. I hated seeing you so crushed in defeat. I wanted you to see that if you had me to rely on you could defeat anyone. I don’t like to lie, so I said what I thought to be true. I really believed what I was saying back then; I never meant it to hurt your feelings. Though, if I had to pick now whose pride was worthless back then… it was mine.”

“Ushiwaka..” Oikawa looked pensive.

“I am truly sorry. It is shameful it took everything that happened after high school for me to have clarity about all of this. You were right, I’ve become a coward and-”

“Okay! Stop! No more!” Oikawa puts his hands out and waves them in Ushijima’s face.

Ushijima blinks a few times at the intrusion to his personal space, but promptly shuts up. The setter withdraws his hands, takes a deep breath, then throws the ball for poor Mio who’d been waiting impatiently for the better part of a few minutes for more attention.

“Okay first of all, I appreciate you saying all of that.” He sighs, “I feel like I’m going to sound like a total jerk for this now, but it’s like what I said before. I’m struggling to accept all of this.”

“My apology or-?”

“No not that, well yes that a little bit that… I wasn’t really expecting you to apologize for that, but it kind of makes me angrier.”

“Angry?”

Oikawa lobs the tennis ball again.

“Yeah, angry. When you disappeared from the volleyball scene it was frustrating. I don’t know how you kept everything under the wraps so well. You were in the top 3 pick for aces in the whole country and suddenly it’s like you vanished into thin air! How could you leave everyone hanging like that? I was going to take you down in the professional scene, prove everything you ever said to me was wrong! Your apology? I should have been the one who made you realize all of that, not a broken ankle!”

Oikawa might as well slap him clean in the face at this point. It would honestly feel better than this. He pauses his rant to throw the ball for the akita again and watches her run for a moment before turning back to speak to the former star ace.

“But…” Ushijima looks away, bracing himself for the worst, “I know that wasn’t your fault and if I can’t blame it on you … I just don’t know what to think anymore. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, the more I see you the harder it is to stay mad.”

The ache of regret squeezes in Ushijima’s chest like a vice. He gently strokes Jiro who’d fallen asleep next to him, feeling grateful Oikawa wanted to come to the dog park. If they had been alone somewhere private he honestly thought he could cry. He takes a deep breath.

“I understand. It wasn’t right for me to run away... I don’t think it’s wrong that you feel angry.”

Oikawa frowns at this.

“Well why not?”

”Because it’s better than being looked at with pity.”

“Yeah.. I guess, but this new down to Earth, reasonable, and polite Ushiwaka is weird.”

“You want me to say something rude to you?”

“Maybe? I don’t know… it’d bring back a little normalcy.” He has that same look in his eye, the dejected frustrated look he’d get when he loses. The one Ushijima wished he’d stop being the source of.

“Oh… well then, uh, Oikawa your selfish attitude is making my ankle hurt.” He tries his best to sound stern while pushing back the dizzy feeling that comes whenever tears threatened to fall.

The setter laughs a little, “Thanks Ushiwaka… things really won’t be the same again will they?”

“No… I’m afraid not. I’m really sorry.”

Oikawa sighs, “I... injuries are hard... I don’t know what to say, but I have a lot of sympathy for it. I’m really scared one day that my knee is going to give out on me.”

Ushijima wants to say something sympathetic in return, but his attention falters as Oikawa hoists himself up and holds a hand out to him. A hand which he takes tentatively and let’s himself get pulled back up to a standing position. He’s still a little taller than Oikawa, though the years have let the setter catch up a bit. They’re standing a little too close he realizes. He opens his mouth to say something. Another apology, for what he doesn’t really know. But he’s cut off by Oikawa pulling him into an embrace.

For a moment the world disappeared around him and it was just him and the warm body of the man he so desperately adored wrapped around him. The shock left him to awkwardly hold his arms in the air, too afraid to touch back. He didn’t want to ruin it. When Oikawa lets go the peripheral world reconstructs itself once again. He’s staring for lack of enough social skill to think of a response to getting a hug from thee Oikawa Tooru.

“Don’t give me that dumb look! You seemed like you needed one.”

“Oh..”

Oikawa pokes him in the chest.

“Come on, lighten up Ushiwaka-chan!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind comments and encouraging words! It really means a lot to me. Writing has been my only real escape from everything in the world right now, so it just idk it just makes me really happy to know that you guys are enjoying the stuff I’m putting out there. I spent a lot of time with this chapter, hopefully it was worth the wait!! :,3


	9. Hope or Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta just suffering in typo hell you guys know the drill :P

Ushijima wishes he’d hugged Oikawa back, a minor regret in the grand scheme of things. Oikawa didn’t really make a big deal about it so he didn’t want to either. Currently, Oikawa was bent over Jiro giving the old tosa a belly rub and speaking to it in the distinct high pitched voice all humans seem to use when gushing over a cute animal.

“Ah!! What a good boy! We should go find your sister she probably got bored of me and Ushiwaka being so serious. Blech!”

Ushijima smiles. “Don’t worry she won’t run off too far.”

The setter looks up at him. “That’s good! If you’re not worried than neither am I, lets go find her!”

It doesn’t take them long to spot Mio, she found a few other dogs to play with, but comes running back as she sees them. They throw the ball a few more times until the dogs are thoroughly exhausted. Oikawa does most the talking during this, and Ushijima is very content to listen. He talks about the league and his training regimen, Iwaizumi and what his other Aoba Josai teammates pursued after high school. Its a little weird, but only if Ushijima thinks from the perspective of their past selves. It remains this way until they’re walking back to the van and Ushijima works up the courage to try and add more to the conversation.

“Today was a good day to run the dogs as much as we did, they’ll probably be sleeping all afternoon. It’ll be nice not having them beg while I make dinner.”

“Woah! You cook!? I’m just taking my mom out to dinner tonight.”

“I do.” He opens the door and straitens out an old towel he’d put on the backseat for the dogs.

Oikawa leans against the side of the van and crosses his arms. “Yeah? You any good at it?”

“I’m okay at it.”

“I bet you’re good at it and you’re just being cagey.”

Ushijima closes the door after the dogs hop in. “I am not cagey.”

“Oh _definitely_ not, but if you _are_ a good cook you owe me dinner!”

“Wouldn’t that mean I’d potentially have to make dinner for you twice?”

Oikawa grins. “Yes! Exactly! Ushiwaka-chan I always knew you had a brain somewhere up there!”

He reaches out to pat Wakatoshi’s head. Without thinking the former ace catches his wrist after the third tap. They stare at both for a moment, each surprised at how easily they seemed to fall into a comfortable rapport. Ushijima lowers the hand gently before letting go. He clears his throat and steels himself to look at Oikawa, he mustn’t lose courage!

“I don’t see what I get out of a bet like that.”

“Win or lose my presence is an award in and of itself.”

“How about if you like my cooking you have to call me by my actual name for a week.”

Oikawa looks up thoughtfully. “Hmm that’s a pretty high asking price..”

“Then I just won’t take the bet.”

“What?! No!”

Ushijima raises an eyebrow, a crack on his stoic exterior that radiates with warm fondness for the antics of Oikawa Tooru.

“Ughh fine! If you win I won’t call you Ushiwaka-chan for a whole week. Deal?”

“Deal. I promise won’t loose.” A spark of his old competitive spirit lighting up.

Oikawa smirks at him. “And neither will I!”

Ushijima smiles, “I look forward to it.”

Their eyes meet in a determined gaze. A few beats of silence pass before Oikawa breaks it with a;

“So...”

“So.” Ushijima looks away, “Uh may I offer you a ride home?”

“I’ll take you up on that.” Without another word he lets himself into the passenger’s seat.

It doesn’t take long for them to reach Oikawa’s mother’s house. As much as Ushijima wishes he could spend more time with the setter, he was grateful he’d have time to think about everything that transpired over the last month.

_“Things won’t really be the same again will they?”_

Oikawa’s question buzzed in his mind as he made his way back to his mom’s place. It was rhetorical of course, but it was a whole world of possibilities between them now. He let his imagination carry him through the afternoon as he prepared his family’s meal. He imagined the bet, and inviting Oikawa over to his apartment, maybe the setter would just sit and watch TV while he cooked for him. Or maybe he’d want to watch, and they’d end up making it together. Oikawa would have to let him win the bet. He couldn’t say anything he helped make was bad. He smiled to himself.

“Toshi-chan why are you smiling at the onions? You’re kind of freaking me out.”

Oh, he didn’t even noticed his sister come in. Oikawa should be glad to know he’s managing to embarrass Ushijima without even being there.

“Uh.”

“You’ve been acting really weird this weekend. Also where did you go this morning??”

“I have not, and I took the dogs to the park.”

“Without me?”

“I was meeting up with someone from highschool, otherwise I would have.”

“Who? Tendou?”

“No.”

“Wait. Oh my god!!” Then she lowers her voice, “Was it that cute guy from the train?”

Ushijima frowns.

“Yes. It was him, but it’s not what you think.”

“Sure it isn’t!” She pokes him in the back of the neck making causing him to flinch. This earns her a glare but she just snickers at him. “You’re terrible at lying.”

In a rare show of expression Ushijima rolls his eyes. “You are still wrong, but I won’t argue with you.”

“Fiiiine,” she groans, “be boring! I can wait.”

She does wait, but not very long. Ushijima knows he may not be a good liar, but he is good at giving people the cold shoulder. She eventually gets bored with watching him and wanders off to some other part of the house. Once he reaches a point in his cooking where he can put the sauce on low heat to simmer, he sits down to contemplate the recent chain of events. He pulls out his phone to text Tendou, but his friend already beat him to it with a message that read;

_-hey bud are you still alive??_

Ushijima smiles to himself.

_-Yes I am still alive._

_-oh good! so oikawa definitely didnt maim you this morning?_

_\- He did not. It went well, I think._

_- >:D_

_\- I am unsure what that one means._

_\- it means what it means >:D_

They texted back and forth a bit while Ushijima finished preparing the meal. The former ace was torn between wanting dinner to be ready so he could just get it over with and wanting dinner to just not happen at all. He knew what was coming. It happens every time.

“So, Wakatoshi? Have you found a girlfriend?” His mother asks.

He was anticipating the question all night, but it still had him choking on a bit of mushroom. He coughs and clears his throat, keeping his eyes fixed on his plate knowing everyone at the table was staring at him.

“No.” He clears his throat a final time and immediately stuffs more food in his mouth. He had nothing else to say on the matter.

“Dear, he’s a man now you shouldn’t ask him such questions.” 

“He’s my son, and I’m just curious! I’d like to have grandkids someday!” His mom pouts a little.

Ushijima felt sick. He loved his mom, but of all the things she would understand; his lack of attraction to women, and truthfully, most anyone was not one of them. She was a traditional woman who wants a happy simple life. He understood why, it was easy, society has the groundwork all laid out for a life like that. But it wasn’t who he was and he knows he can’t pretend like it is.

The couple continues talking but Ushijima just lets the words float over him as he hurriedly finished the rest of his meal and excused himself from the table. From there he grabbed his phone and stepped out for a walk.

It was rude. He knew it was, but his chest was pounding and he desperately wanted fresh air. He walks a while till he reaches the end of the long dirt driveway and chances a look back at the house. Nobody was following him. He let out a relieved sigh and sat down in the grass. The sun had just finished setting and cold blue was washing over the atmosphere.

Times he felt like this were the times Tendou or his real father insisted he should call and ask for support. But he didn’t want to talk to them. He wanted to talk to Oikawa. Listen to him ramble and laugh.

Ushijima pulled out his phone, rapidly making his way to the setter’s contact page. His thumb hovered over the call button. Was he really going to call Oikawa Tooru? He shook his head and pressed the button.

The phone rang a few times, but before he got an answer or voicemail he ended the call. The device felt heavy in his hand. What was he doing. One decent endeavor didn’t make them friends.

_“Things won’t really be the same again will they?”_

The words kept looping in his head. He laid back against the cool grass and took a deep breath. He felt hopeful, it worried him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! It’s been a while >_< 2020 was nuts and 2021 only seems to be getting nuttier. But I’ve accomplished something major in my absence; I’ve finally got my bachelors degree!! I’m moving back home to my parents now which is a little sad :/ but it’s in preparation to try and get a job all the way across the country. A lot is up in the air but I’m determined to find time within all this craziness to keep writing. Thank you for all the kind comments i try my best to respond but I get a little shy sometimes just know I read them and they mean the world to me 💞


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